+ Answers to your burning questions.
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Q: For the past year I’ve been in a complicated cross-cultural long-distance relationship. In a few weeks we are set to part ways indefinitely so we can focus our personal goals. It’s very important for us to remain in contact, but I’m worried about striking the right balance. How often should we communicate in order to stay in touch AND healthily move on from the relationship?
A: Like cigarettes, you’ve got to quit people cold turkey. While relationships often progress from 0 to 15 to 30 to 60, you can’t gradually reduce speed while getting out of them. All engines off, my friend. In six months, or maybe even a year, it may be a good idea to reconnect. First, make yourself whole again.
Q: Is it really possible to make new guy friends if you are single?
A: No. Keeping you — and any man you befriend — company in the room of life stands an elephant. A big one, representing sexual tension. If you are not attracted to him, he’s attracted to you. I have never met a pair of new hetero, opposite sex friends where this was not the case. The only exception (and it’s not an absolute) is when one or both of you have ruled the other person “out of bounds” due to one of you dating the other’s best friend, brother, boss, etc (you get the idea).
This does not mean that you should not attempt to befriend men. You just need to get past weirdness mountain into platonic valley. Time has a way of vaporizing romance.
Q: While serving jury duty, I found myself very attracted to a fellow jurror (wearing f*ck me boots and professing educated constitutional beliefs). Would it be weird to google her and ask her out via email?
A: What do you have to lose? Nothing. Therefore, you should of course cyberstalk her and ask her out. Be honest and tell her that you were intellectually attracted to her and think it would be fun to grab a drink. Thank goodness for civil systems like jury duty that bring random souls together!