Girl Talk

I was recently granted access to a Google document named “OKCUPID << gone horribly wrong!” where nearly 50 women document their good and bad dating experiences with certain screen names:

“Despite his alleged MFA in creative writing, this guy only sends emails typed with his thumb.”

“He’s fun and cute but a bit selfish, annoyingly non-committal, and not willing to put much effort in. Also seems oddly uncomfortable with sex.”

“It’s called OkCupid and not AWESOMECupid for a reason. This guy was nice enough but…. snooze. Sidenote = 6’0 NEVER EVER means 6 foot. Ever. More like 5’10ish.”

“Showed up 15 minutes late, stoned, and proceeded to wow me with his amazingly disturbing ideas of what constitutes appropriate first date talk, i.e. “Did you know that 9/11 was an inside job?”

Yes, we girls have always talked to each other in detail about your inability to make plans in advance, your not asking us enough questions, your erections (or lack thereof). But now we’re doing it a lot more loudly—online—right where everyone can see it.

Scary, right guys? Yes, but in the good way. Seriously.

The absolute best way to understand women is to peek into their world. Go to a nail salon and get your ugly feet cleaned up. Suck it up and watch Sex and the City, Season 1. Swing by a champagne-heavy brunch spot.

And of course, read their diaries, i.e., blogs, Twitter feeds, Facebook pages and the like.

Not only will women love your newfound interest in being a better man—you will actually become a better man! Pinky swear.

Imagine: next time you’re out on a date you’ll know when she says “Oh, splitting the bill is fine” really means “I cannot believe you are not paying for this.”

What’s the alternative? Fucking up more dates with cute OkCupid girls?

You now have an opportunity to learn directly from mistakes made by others (and you can do it in the privacy of your own home!). So, pour yourself a Scotch, scratch your balls, and wander through the minds of young women who might actually want to date you.

Here are a few places:

OkCupid Chronicles
A playful girl posts the ridiculous messages she gets from guys on

On the Corner of Haight & Hyde
Three in-your-face gals try to find love in San Francisco.

Online Dating – You’ll Thank Me For This!
A woman gives sound advice and funny examples about what NOT to do in the online dating world.

*This column originally ran on

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